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Saturday, 3 January 2015

Lets talk about The Stig.

The Stig is a character on the British motoring
television show Top Gear. The Stig's primary
role is setting lap times for cars tested on the
show, as well as instructing celebrity guests,
off-camera, for the show's " Star in a
Reasonably Priced Car " segment. The character
is a play on the anonymity of racing drivers'
full-face helmets , with the running joke that
nobody knows who, or indeed what, is inside
the Stig's racing suit.

When introducing the Stig in the Top Gear
premiere, Clarkson said, "We don't know its
name, we really don't know its name, nobody
knows its name, and we don't wanna know,
'cause it's a racing driver." According to
the Daily Mail in 2010, his face is never
revealed on set, and not even the celebrity
guests being trained on the reasonably priced
car are allowed to learn his identity. He stays
suited and with his helmet on throughout the
show, arriving early and leaving late, having his
own dressing room and eating privately. The
studio audience has no access to him at any
time.

So what do we know about The Stig?
All we know is, he's called the Stig."
But some say:
He has no face
He is terrified of Scouts
The drinks in his cabinet contain 14 different
types of custard
His favourite T-Shirt has a picture of a T-
Shirt
Afraid of bells
Confused by stairs
He's been producing artificial sperm for
years, even though we've repeatedly asked him
not to.
Never blinks
Naturally faces magnetic north
All of his legs are hydraulic
Two sets of knees
Is convinced Star Wars is a documentary
Heart ticks like a watch
Spends spare time catching fish with his
tongue or foraging for wolves in the woods
Face appears on high-value stamps in
Sweden
Left nipple is shaped like the Nürburgring
One eye is a teste
Invented the curtain
Salary is paid by the BBC in strong
pornography
Owns the world's largest collection of
pornography
Developed the "wonderful" scent of
Wednesday
Only knows two facts about ducks, and both
of them are wrong
Has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face
Has terrible plans involving the Moon
Was turned down for a spot on "I'm a
celebrity..." because he is one
Thinks crisps are animals.
Doesn't like to get his helmet wet
Has a stripe-y top just like James'
Can open a beer bottle with his testicles
His feces have been found as far north as
York
Thinks the " Credit Crunch " is a breakfast
cereal
To unlock him, you have to run your finger
down his face, vertically
Due to a rigged phone vote has a new name:
Cuddles
Is not machine washable
Sucks the moisture from ducks
His crash helmet is modelled on Britney
Spears ' head
Once threw a microwave oven at a tramp
Allergic to the Dutch
Banned from the Chelsea Flower Show
Has a digital face
His ears aren't exactly where you'd expect
them to be
Has webbed buttocks
Once punched a horse to the ground
If you tune your radio to 88.4 MHz, you can
hear his thoughts
There is an airport in Russia named after him
His sweat can be used to clean precious
metals
His breath smells of magnesium
Is illegal in 17 U.S. States
Wanted by the CIA
Sleeps upside down
His New Year's resolution is to eat fewer
mice
He has 50,000 photographs of his own
camera
60 years ago this week he also became a
Queen
Had an affair with John Prescott.
If he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar .
Gets terrible eczema on his helmet.
Thinks Harper Seven (David Beckham's
daughter) is a convicted terrorist cell.
Is taken by the ancient Greeks as a god.
When he slows down, brake lights come on
in his buttocks.
Well isn't he an interesting character...?

 Source: Wikipedia, Top Gear via youtube

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